I once held down three jobs at one time. Perhaps this was fueled by mania but mostly by my work ethic. I was raised to be a hard worker.
I once made a good living teaching, working part time as a clerk, and performing well in the Army Reserve. I was at my height. I was with pride in myself.
I once became so sick that I could no longer perform the simplest of jobs. Because of pre-existing conditions I was uninsured for four years.
I once had to sell all my assets to afford my health care. I forfeited my cd's and savings. I had lost everything.
In 2009, I was forced to address my mental health needs. At the time I was able to maintain a part time job as a clerk in drugstore. For ten hours a week at $8 an hour, I paid out of pocket though a loan for my psychiatric needs, other health needs, and monthly essentials such as shelter and food. I barely got by without significant help from my elderly parents. I was deemed severely mentally disabled.
Given the judge's ruling - not a doctor's - I was awarded SSDI. I took this with relief but also as a blow to my ego. Though I had paid into the system since beginning to work at age 16, I still felt yet more stigma knowing I was now at the mercy of the taxpayers.
Not all expenses are covered by the roughly $16K that I am allowed each year. I still have to pay a premium for the Medicaid that I receive. I still pay out of pocket roughly $50 a month for medication. There are still programs that do not accept Medicare or Medicaid. This means if I want the assistance, it needs to come out of pocket. But I can't afford recovery-wise to not take or make use of such services.
I take in about a twelve thousand allowance in benefits each month. With this I pay rent, utilities, groceries, gas, telephone, and yes - my internet - needs. There is nothing left over at the end of each month. Rather, I am usually out of month by the second or third week of the month and then start fighting like the devil to come up with more money. So what do I do?
I try (and very hard) to find employment. But like it or not, I fight stigmatization at every turn. Since jobs are not falling from my job tree, I do other things. Bit by bit I sell or pawn off my belongings. Many of these belongings hold sentimental value, but I have to stifle that and make myself some money. Occasionally I go dumpster-diving for cans which are redeemable for five cents in the state of Iowa. I can on a good month redeem the cans for about $10. But there is always the need for more money. What would I do with my money?
1. I'd further my education. I have the aptitude to return to school and secure my doctorate. With the credential, I could be a reckoning force to tear down stigma facing those with mental health issues.
2. I could pay back those who have floated me substantial loans through the past several years. I owe about one thousand dollars for their financial help.
3. I could sustain on Facebook my community page which reaches thousands each day that I write words of recovery, self-help, self-esteem, and recognition from others that all, each of us who are sick deserves as each person in life has meaning and belongs here.
4. I'd get a little ahead. That security that all of us seek regarding money would be in reach at least for a while.
I'm asking my readers to help me. I know in my heart that had I presented with heart issues or cancer that I would have solicited generous support. People seem to naturally gather around such persons with those illnesses. Could a person with mental illness also reach out to the hearts of others?
This is my hope. Show me you care. Go to this link and just donate $5 or at least give me a free "hug." Let me know you care and that I have your support.
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/ftl3/road-to-recovery?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fb_share_stream.share&utm_campaign=dashboard_overview_T1&fb_ref=1640788
No comments:
Post a Comment