Fighting the extremes

I know when I'm down I need to keep moving like ...it is just another day. Though it takes more effort, I need to keep to my routine. But to jump start getting back on track I had to start from step one. The doc says when down, fake it til you make it. So I put myself in action. I stepped outside and enjoyed the cool breeze on my cheeks. I took a short walk and just tried to let all bad thoughts and any thoughts for that matter leave my head. It worked for a while.

When done with my walk I sat down and looked at my next step. It said I should beautify my apartment. I gathered the trash and took it to the dumpster. I felt one more step closer to stability. Next I decided to wash all of my dishes. My doc says if I can switch my senses from touch and sight to the sense of smelling I can bring myself back to a rational state. I decided to start with a warm shower and used great smelling soaps, shampoos, and lotions. I started to feel better. Then I texted a friend - I have exactly two at this stage of my recovery. One answered back. I really appreciate the friendship we have, even if it is long distance. I took my meds and went to bed on time. In bed, my gloom started to return. So I got up and decided to make my meal for the following day, chicken filets with seasoning and then bathed in tomato sauce. Though I didn't eat it at that time, it filled my apartment with yummy smelling aroma. I put it in the refrigerator and actually felt tired. So I returned to bed where I got my eight hours of sleep.

I awakened at my usual hour. I felt some tinges of depression but decided not to let it defeat me. I went to my computer and emailed some close siblings. As they responded with words of encouragement, I began to feel better. I called each who had responded to my email and thanked each one. I felt better about myself for doing something positive.

And now I'm here. I have decided to take a short break before tackling maybe one more cleaning chore. I do have several that started to accumulate when I was at my lowest. But my schedule I set for each day says I need at least a half hour break for lunch. I'm sticking to my schedule.

I think what I am trying to say is that one should build a "tool box" of things that work when one is feeling good. When one begins to go off track, revisit that toolbox and pull out some coping skills that are sure to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Though it is a struggle at first, it helps the extremes feel a little less extreme. At all times, keep striving for stability. When I can like and be my own best friend, the others will follow. If I can do this, anyone can do this. What are your techniques to staying stable or fighting your way through the extremes? We will all have them. But we don't need to let those moments completely own us.

I'm not 100% today. I still hear the demons trying to fight me down. But I'm fighting the battle. One step at a time and in the long run I will win.