Understand HOW economic justice MAKES social justice HAPPEN!

I honestly, truly believe the super rich LOVE it that we The People are divided!  This distracts ALL from the REAL problems America faces and ENTIRELY instigated by a RIGGED economy that drives working, middle classes into poverty and the top 1% so rich they are COMPLETELY able to escape accountability.

One bit of example: Super rich Mother of Ethan Couch's whole defense is that He Cannot Understand Right from Wrong because He's a Spoiled Rich Kid.  Sounds like that much Money leads to serious Sociopathic Problems.  So...Let's fix that by Significantly making him more Mainstream in which he lives on $215 a week ($860/month) like kids his age do at $7.25/hour based on a generous 30 work week!  Is that the cure???

Think about this! 

My best historical reference regarding the Great Depression comes from actual accounts - reliable accounts - from people who LIVED through that.

1. Being so poverty stricken not only divided people of different races it divided people of different religions, ancestries of the same race, and the FAMILY unit itself.  My parents are an example.  In a town/county where 99% were Catholic; All English speaking; All white NEIGHBORS drew the line between Irish decent and German decent.  There were SEGREGATED Catholic Churches.  SEGREGATED education.  Who fared better economically?  The German ancestry.  The Irish were treated as though they were dirty, parasitic, and LESS human!

2.  My mother recalls how amongst the German people attending HER school, a boy who came to school with tablet cardboard to line the holes of his too-small schools and bread/lard sandwiches
was looked down on by his peers and seemingly ignored by his teachers!

3. My father's FAMILY farm which had been in their possession since 1840 and handed down from generation to generation was SOLD on a penny auction to a family with means who PROMISED to allow his grandfather the chance to purchase it back once he could muster the amount paid.  It never happened!  His grandfather was forced into a shack in town, dug graves with a shovel for pennies!  His grandfather's oldest son died at age 2 because he couldn't afford medical treatment.  His other son - my grandfather - suffered a kick to the head when he worked as a hired-hand on the farm that was once owned by his family.  Disabled, he was then only qualified to pluck feathers from chickens - barely making enough money to support his own family (wife, 3 kids, and his wife's parents living under the same roof as there was NO way for elderly people to be cared by anyone else other than a country-based Poor House with no caregivers)  My dad - age 10 - was forced to leave his family (mother, father, brother and sister) to live with his disabled grandfather and DIG graves with him.  He never finished High School until AFTER he served in WW2.  His family was torn to shreds - sibling against sibling; cousin against cousin.  Imagine how more intensified that was amongst people of different races, creeds, ethnicities NATIONWIDE?  Goal - survive! and screw the "others"  Lots like to say how the Great Depression brought families together and neighbors helped neighbors.  It's a MYTH!

If WE today want social justice We MUST first correct the RIGGED economy.  If billionaires get away with bailouts and welfare, then why is it so OUTRAGEOUS to demand ALL people access to Healthcare, Education, and an Equal Voice in politics?

I am quite certain that America was initiated on this concept: We the People!  Let's MAKE that happen!  The 2nd Amendment - though misinterpreted by Republicans who think guns for the hell of it is what it's about - says:
The Second Amendment was adopted on December 15, 1791. It reads:
"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

We NEED this to PROTECT this: The First Amendment guarantees freedoms concerning religion, expression, assembly, and the right to petition.  It forbids Congress from both promoting one religion over others and also restricting an individual’s religious practices.  It guarantees freedom of expression by prohibiting Congress from restricting the press or the rights of individuals to speak freely.  It also guarantees the right of citizens to assemble peaceably and to petition their government.

#BernieSanders #AmericanPeople #PoliticalRevolution #FeelTheBern

The Hiring of a President

I have always been appreciative of being an American.  I was raised in a home who hung the American flag on the outside of our house every day of the year.  It was strung up a metal pole and forgotten there.  It was put up every morning at dawn and taken down every evening at dusk.  My family truly was honor-bound to the USA - loving the Red, White, and Blue.

My father was one of my greatest influences.  He served in WW2 as a corpsman for the 76th General Hospital (http://vintagefilmarsenal.com/76th.html)  He talked about how he addressed the maintenance care of wounded soldiers.  He told stories of times when his hospital was attacked.  And he told me of how he had to take care of those who did not survive.  But I think the thing that always moved me the most was when he said the war was ending and some of the Jewish people rescued from concentration camps had come to the safety and treatment of his location.  That image he could never forget, and the tone of his voice changed to something that did not sound as much proud as it did hurt.  It made me feel grateful that our military helped bring down the terrorists of his time. 

I was raised in a very traditional Catholic family.  I was born into a community - entire county - that was either German or Irish and almost 100% Catholic.  It isn't the norm of the area today, but I was the second youngest of 13 children.  I am the baby girl.  And my family was working class. 

I was taught from my earliest days that Gorehams don't wait for that lucky day when our fate will change; Gorehams are workers.  We don't waste.  We do an honest job.  We are resourceful.  We don't whine; we just do the best we can.  Both my parents experienced the Depression of the 30's.  They carried with them many lessons from that time.  Mom did stay at home and managed that front; Dad did go to work and brought home money.  But that's how they worked as a team.  My mother and father were extremely intelligent people and they wanted the best for their children in terms of education, moral upbringing, and financial stability.  We were to be polite and well-mannered, but never too "chicken" to go for our dreams.

Being the youngest girl of so many meant that my oldest siblings were graduating high school and heading out to establish careers at the time that I was 2.  The first two siblings went on to be a lab tech and a nurse - both women.  The 3rd chose to go to ISU to be an engineer and to pursue the military through ROTC.  I was so impressed when he wore a uniform.  Back in the day when VEISHA was truly a reflection of the accomplishments of students at a fine higher education institution the event started with a parade.  As the parade progressed, I stood on the side with siblings my age and with my parents.  When the ROTC students came down the road driving Jeeps us kids cheered.  After all, that was our brother driving one!  Each vehicle stopped in front of us.  My brother jumped out and picked me up and put me in his Jeep.  I rode the rest of the way down the parade - I was 9 or 10.  And that was the day I knew that I too would someday join the army.

For all of my 15 years of service I felt accomplished and proud.  I had initially enlisted and then became an officer in 1991!  My brother was the one who swore me in!  I was proud and always felt like I had done something so important for other women wanting to explore all kinds of jobs, for the proud tradition of my family, and for the honor of serving the best nation on the planet.

I became disabled in 2007.  I had lost so much and after have worked 26 years of my life I was below poverty level in 2009.  I could not get insurance of course as it was before the Affordable Care Act.  My parents - now in their 80's - were actually using their social security check to make sure I got the health care I needed.  It was all so wrong and it was all so painful to witness.  How is it that this country was letting me down?  And I did start seeing that those who didn't need money to survive were being given the most monetary assistance.  It wasn't right.  But I was sick and that was my priority.  I stepped away from politics and much of everything at that time.  I felt betrayed by my country, my leaders.  I hated that damn war in Iraq - sold to us because we truly did fear this country's safety after 9-11.  But never finding one Weapon of Mass Destruction made me realize just how badly we were being lied to by our own politicians.  I was ANGRY!

I met Bernie Sanders in December 2014.  I had actually been told to read about him by a few facebook friends living in Toronto.  So I faced my fears of driving and made it to Ames, Iowa about 50 miles from Des Moines.  A group of about 40 of us "old people" waited to hear what this guy had to say.  I was nervous.  Some of my disability had affected my brain.  For years I hadn't worked.  I wanted to look like that professional I had been before the disability.  I wanted to appear sophisticated.  So, I had taken time that morning to really look nice.  I wore some of the nicest hand-me-downs my sister had given me.  I remember sitting at a table waiting for him to make an appearance and did my best to look like I fit in with the other women at my table who I learned were college professionals.

At last, Bernie walks in.  His hair is messy.  He's wearing an OK suit.  He's shaking some hands.  And then he gets on the stage and stands behind the podium.  Both hands rested on it and I don't remember exactly what he said at first, but I did realize he talked like someone from out East.  I don't know why that all mattered so much until he began talking about his position on things.  He said - I am tired of the top 1% not paying their share of taxes.  We have problems when women only make 75 cents to every man's dollar.  It's a problem that young people can't afford college.  Climate change is real.  And I want to see politics change.  The people of this country need to get together and take back the country.  (More or less that is what he said.)  And then I realized why I liked that first impression.  I was no longer feeling on the "outside" of this group of intellectuals.  Bernie wasn't any more polished than me.  LOL  He was a real guy nailing it on the head when he said the People need to and can take back this country. 

The crowd started chanting: Run, Bernie.  Run  One lady whipped out her wallet and said: I brought my checkbook.  How much do you need?
Bernie laughed and put his hands up basically saying - none.

Yep...that day I was inspired.  That day I took it to heart that the only way to reinstate that pride I once had in being American would be to elect someone like Bernie who had this priority for the people.  It meant that from that day forward I'd do much more research into him and what he's done.  And I remembered that the office of president wasn't something you just aimed for if you had the correct last name.  It wasn't something given to someone who worked hand in hand with the rich and for the rich's best interest.  The office of president was a position that leaders would apply for.  It was up to me - and the other regular American people - to consider each candidates resume and then for us to HIRE the right person for the job.

And guess what...I've been Feeling the Bern ever since.  I like his resume.  I like how he interviews.  He will get my vote.

Dealing with Someone who is thinking suicide

If someone tells you they want to hurt themselves or end life it means that that is where they are. That's what they see as the only best choice left. I think the best thing to do is just say you care and that you are there for them. I don't even think at that point that pointing out other options will work. In my depressed mind when someone says: You would be missed or It hurts others is what you can say. Depression tends to happen when you are "stuck in your own head."... It really is internal. It's extremely hard to get out of one's head. Movement does help. Trying to get that person to think outside of that internal conflict is hard. I justified others' grief by saying - In time they will get used to it. They'll forget and get on with it. I couldn't truly empathize with another's plight because what was within was so encompassing. I used to get to a point where I was nearly catatonic. I'd curl in a ball and sit in a spot in the corner of my room. It wasn't "for attention." There's rarely someone here to give it to me. It was literally being "stuck." But movement works. Before I get that stuck I start to tell myself - stand for ten minutes...now sit...now stand. Once when I was stuck I was in a program. I'm not sure how my helper got in my place - maybe I had given them a key when I was healthy. But suddenly I heard: Amy. You're "Stuck" I heard it. And I realized I was in a ball, on one knee, in my living room. Who knows how long I was that way? In 2007 I did that. I lost 40 lbs in a month because I never ate. And guess what - my cat died too because I forgot to feed her for that month. Stuck. But that worker somehow got me to stand. Then we walked. And then I started saying whatever it was that bothered me. At first it was little, insignificant, strange things like not liking my car. Seemed so superficial. But then I burst. I had learned on the news that a child had been beaten to death. Helplessness! Anger for someone who was defenseless. I shut down because I literally felt how insignificant I was in that moment and nothing I did would have/could have mattered. I couldn't save Dean is a HUGE thing that haunts me 25 years later. But it's OK. And I know more today what I need to do to prevent dark days like that. And I do know those who just "listen" and get me to move.
https://www.facebook.com/ajplusenglish/videos/645905782217599/?fref=nf

My Life Video - what I need to see to mend

I made this last December after my sister died on December 24.  I made it as a way for me to show how my life has been.  This video really isn't complete because I know there's so much more that it just does not say.  But it says the most important of it.

All of my life is and always has been about my family.  My life has been about a picture perfect life.  I grew up knowing both sides of my family grandparents.  That's where life began - those people in certain walks of life, certain kinds of history and social/economic setting, certain kinds of perceptions produced to very unique people who really were very OPPOSITE in some ways.  In a town where there was German and Irish - even separate churches - the two came together and created this HUGE family.

The first song of this video reflects that family.  We were - I thought - close, loving, down-to-earth people.  We were innocent, carefree, invincible.  The idea of something Over the Rainbow was reality because life already was perfect and it could only get better.

And then tragedy strikes - from nowhere - and destroys all I ever knew and believed.  I lost Dean on June 2, 1990.  I have never been the same.  He took his life.  He left me, betrayed me.  He left me with unanswered questions.  He made me feel less than perfect.  He made me feel OUT-OF-CONTROL.  He made me see that there is darkness and that I am vulnerable to it too.  Life isn't always over the rainbow.  He also taught me that taking one's life really is an option - whether good or bad; right or wrong - it can be done.

I lost my dad in April of 2008.  I had yet to have one really good last story with him.  Did you know that?  He told the best stories.  He got me hooked on telling stories.  OH...he and I could argue crazy-like.  I'm not sure which of us has the worst temper.  But I'm sure of one thing.  I'm my father's daughter (and I miss him.)

The video has an error!  I hate making errors.  My mom died on December 1, 2014.  Two conflicting emotions settled in me: 1.  She's at rest now.  I'm ok with that.  She had a good life.  It's ok for her to be at peace.  2.  THIS ISN'T FAIR!  I miss my mom.  I have missed my mom for three years.  I want her here.

Judy - the one sibling I could always go to for solid advice, a warm voice, to hear a genuine "I love you" died on December 24, 2014.  Abandoned!  Robbed!  CHALLENGED!  HALTED in time!  DEVASTATED!

And then there's the "go to song."  When all is done and said - life keeps going.

Last song - Let It Be - means just that.  Call on what faith I have left in Heaven above.  See the nieces and nephews - and THEIR children - to know that life keeps going. 

And in the end - I hope the video shows that I RESURFACE.  I'm OK!  I have two new pets.  I can still smile.  I am still living.  AND...I have remembered this:
And then one day she remembered that the only one who could make her happy was HERSELF.  So she took back her power and shined like never before.

https://youtu.be/CDaTMkt93Nk

How to survive another CRASH!

There are parts of my journaling that are so important. Yes - step 1 is to look at the event(s) - some call triggers - that started whatever emotions one is having. But then the rest of the steps say to identify those emotions, describe your physical condition, examine the way your thoughts are going, CHALLENGE those thoughts, DISTRACT yourself from anything negative or that isn't working, COMMUNICATE what is going on, and then DECIDE how to respond....All of this is SO IMP...ORTANT and I swear to God, Allah, Buddha, and the Door Knob it works MOST of the TIME. But sometimes it is SOOOO HARD. Here is my Emotional Continuum...My Journal....
Event(s) I can't pinpoint them. Maybe it's a combination of events. I've been working hard, the sun ducked behind the clouds for almost ten days, drama happens in the work place that I don't like, constant conflict with family members have put such rifts in our family they cannot be mended, AND I know I'm STILL GRIEVING.
Physical Sensations: My chest is so heavy, constricted. I can hardly breathe. My lower back hurts so bad it shoots pains down my legs and into my feet. I have this sharp, stabbing pain in the lower left part of my abdomen - right in front of where it shoots out like a sharp pain through my back, on rare moments I am certain I have to throw up. I'm jittery, tired but can't sleep, sick.
Emotions: DEPRESSION, ANGER, ABANDONED, TIRED OF IT, STUCK, LET DOWN, SICK WITH GRIEF, LONGING, LONELY
Thoughts: When does this - this whatever I'm going through - end? Why is it happening now? I'm a failure. I'll never, ever be free of my mind, pain, life. What would happen if I stopped breathing and died tonight? Would I suddenly, finally feel free? What if that doesn't really happen - that life and death are not LINEAR events but something else and it - this - can never really be escaped?
CHALLENGE: I can do this. I can help myself. I've done this. I've survived this. There will be another, better day.
DISTRACT: Write in my journal. Puke. Sob - it is OK to let it all out. Take a warm bath. Breathe slowly.
COMMUNICATE: I did talk to the doctors. I did call a worker. I am telling others through writing - even if it is social media. Keep talking to someone until someone listens - hears me. Talk to Mom, Judy and Dean. They aren't on earth but I bet they can hear me. I bet they can feel me. I bet they are doing their best to help me. They always have and they always will. I need to be open to feel them in my heart and hear their words in my head. I need to just go to them in spirit - that's what I need in truth. I need my spirit nurtured.
Decisions: Take that bath. Listen to music. Look at pictures. Cry.

Traumatic Brain Injury

I like to keep myself as informed as I can regarding the topics of mental "illness" or other mental health concerns.  As a person who was diagnosed with a multitude of LABELS since she was 17, I've rarely found any scientifically based understanding as to why.  For Pete's sake, I was destined to become a science teacher when I think the first major incident of racing thoughts, grandiose ideas, and impulsive shopping became a noted problem (and in truth it was only a problem when I stopped sleeping for days to 'get things done')  I knew there was something up.  I was energized without a focus; easily switched from extreme happy (even loud/exuberant laughing) to a sharp temper.  Indeed I rapidly changed my emotions.  And the ultimate thing that sent this woman to a doctor in hopes of finding a solution is based on several incidents with interesting connections:

The early warnings

1. Conflict at home.  I was a teenager!  Until the age of 17 I had been a fairly "good girl."  My boyfriend situation was limited to a few dates with a couple different guys for occasions like Homecoming and I followed my mother's rules when I went out with friends.  Though I think I "rebelled" at age 14 by stealing a pack of cigarettes from an older sister and smoking them when no one would catch me, I had never drank alcohol or stayed out past curfew.  I was often called a "goody two-shoe" and destined to become a nun.  At school I was active as a debate/speech team member, school plays, and cheerleading.  My grades were good. 
At age 17 I changed.  I drank my first beers and was smashed after two.  I had not crossed the line and used an illicit substance, but then it didn't seem I needed to.  I was as high and unpredictable as my friends who were "strung out."  Those friends!
I met friends who sometimes stayed out all night.  I spent my paycheck from my after school job the day I got it.  I dropped all extra-curricular activity, and my grades dropped from A's to C's and D's my senior year.
My mother didn't know what to do with this rebelling teenager!  She had already raised 8 children so she was a veteran when it came to raising my age group.  But I was extreme!  My siblings (especially my brother one year older was EMBARRASSED to claim me as his sister.  My dad and I argued nonstop.  I threatened often to run away from home.  I was always so close to death accidents because of my wild behavior and risky choices.  I was out of control!
 I got my first diagnoses at age 17: Alcoholic. That was it.  I started a group therapy which talked about self esteem and they sent me to college.

2. Relationships outside the family.  I was raised with parents who did not allow a person to go on a date until age 16.  Sure there was flirting and hooking up at places like the theater or roller skating rink, but I was not allowed to be one on one with a boy until I was age 16.  I followed that rule too.  My best group of acquaintances consisted of a good group of girls who shared my interests.  We went to school dances together where we hooked up with the boys to dance until it was time to go.  Our focus stayed on school and we were such "goody two-shoes" we loved to volunteer to help our school whenever - cleaning it up, monitoring halls (lol), and running errands for teachers.  But it all went away.
At 17 not one of my friends attended school with me.  I had met a few through work but they were from another school and they were rowdy.  Many of my friends were older than high school age; others were dropouts.  My first "serious" boyfriend was a guy you couldn't trust any farther than you could throw him - but the status of dating (if being available for a booty call was considered dating) gave me a certain status amongst the others.  I stopped knowing how to associate with my peers.  Once I was sent to AA and forbidden to hang with the bad influences I found myself completely ALONE!  Since that age, I still make bad choices in who I associate with (but it is better) and I still fail to make close relationships with those who would probably be parent/sibling-approved.  It's like that aspect of my development stopped growing.  (It may have had something to do with more labels which ostracized me and made me feel unworthy.)

In any event, I'm 47 and over the past 30 years I've been diagnosed at some point or another as:
alcoholic
bipolar
borderline personality disorder
psychotic
depressed
oppositional defiant
disassociate identity disorder
anxious
paranoid

I have been prescribed at some point or another:
lithium
paxil
Depakote
Effexor
abilify
zyprexa
Ativan
pristique
Seroquel
trazadone

and so much more I cannot recall right now

At first I fought it - because with mental health issues there's so much STIGMA - but at age 26 I got serious about wanting help.  I was at an all-time low.

20 more years have gone by and I find I'm in a REALLY good spot in life.  And guess what.  I think it's because the science has been connected to what's behind the problems and I'm for the first time (since 2013) been on the right medicine and right therapy regime.

I have had more than one car accident in my life.  Neuorscience is beginning to put the science behind mental health diagnoses.  Sure.  Alcoholism still exists.  Traumatic abuse is still a culprit.  But so are things like seizures and Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI). 

They are discovering that soldiers returning from the Middle East who suffer Extreme PTSD, depression, anxiety may have had their brains "shaken" when they stood too close to a loud explosion... http://www2.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Traumatic_Brain_Injury&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=85&ContentID=52915

I myself suffered a severe blow when I was 17 as a result of a car accident.  It was BEFORE airbags and I cracked the windshield with my head and ate the steering wheel.

 

I had another SERIOUS car accident in 1989 in which I rolled and flipped a car.  (No picture)

 

That link had never been explored until recently.  But boy is it making a difference in my recovery.  I feel better than I have in years.  I take one medicine to manage my emotions but other than that - nothing.  I do use counseling.  For 30 years a major element had never been considered - and therefore never treated.  I do at this point have concerns that require more than just a connection to a car accident to resolve.  30 years of trial and error meant a continuation of that many years of making very bad choices.  But I see hope and I see the science - that's important.

 

I hope two things come from this:

1. Understand that mental health issues are not just things a person can shake off - no one "chooses" to have such a challenge that clouds reasoning and prompts one to act in extreme ways regarding their emotions.  Most people aren't simply deciding to have deviant behavior just to upset your day

 

2.  With greater insight in to causes of mental health issues there will be better ways to treat the problem and secure for the sufferer a peace of mind.

Euthanasia - No No No!

I am very opposed to euthanasia and I cringe every time someone says that's just what they want, that they want it legal, that it should be legal, that it fair, humane, and one's right to leave the world when they can no longer deal with it.  Stop it!

It isn't a fair thing to expect.  You don't have to be of any kind of religion to grasp this concept.  It just isn't a fair thing to expect from another or even ask of another.  It just isn't.

I wouldn't want to be the one to give someone - especially someone I love - that lethal amount of medicine.  I would not want to be the one who had to live the rest of my days knowing I made the last call on whether that person should live one more day, forfeit all hope, "throw in the towel."

Suicide isn't a sure thing.  People who attempt it often times FAIL!  That person might simply be forced to stay in some kind of mental hospital until it is fairly certain s/he is stable.  Sometimes that person loses all independence and is in 24 hour supervised care the remainder of his/her life. (What fun!)  And then sometimes:

Permanent intellectual damage!
Permanent physical disability!
Permanent emotional struggle!
Loss of friends, work, trust, respect, family - fear can do that.  Why get too close to a person intent of breaking your heart and abandoning you?

But guess what.  Suicide is ultimately that individual's decision. That person is the one ultimately responsible for it.  And it is LEGAL!

Assisted Suicide - Ha! call it what it is: Homicide - is not an individual's decision.  It is in the hands of another and that other has to live with the fact that it worked (OR FAILED with serious ramifications)  It's simply not fair to ask/expect another to do this.  It is NOT legal.

I don't advocate suicide.  I ADAMANTLY oppose euthanasia!