The early warnings
1. Conflict at home. I was a teenager! Until the age of 17 I had been a fairly "good girl." My boyfriend situation was limited to a few dates with a couple different guys for occasions like Homecoming and I followed my mother's rules when I went out with friends. Though I think I "rebelled" at age 14 by stealing a pack of cigarettes from an older sister and smoking them when no one would catch me, I had never drank alcohol or stayed out past curfew. I was often called a "goody two-shoe" and destined to become a nun. At school I was active as a debate/speech team member, school plays, and cheerleading. My grades were good.
At age 17 I changed. I drank my first beers and was smashed after two. I had not crossed the line and used an illicit substance, but then it didn't seem I needed to. I was as high and unpredictable as my friends who were "strung out." Those friends!
I met friends who sometimes stayed out all night. I spent my paycheck from my after school job the day I got it. I dropped all extra-curricular activity, and my grades dropped from A's to C's and D's my senior year.
My mother didn't know what to do with this rebelling teenager! She had already raised 8 children so she was a veteran when it came to raising my age group. But I was extreme! My siblings (especially my brother one year older was EMBARRASSED to claim me as his sister. My dad and I argued nonstop. I threatened often to run away from home. I was always so close to death accidents because of my wild behavior and risky choices. I was out of control!
I got my first diagnoses at age 17: Alcoholic. That was it. I started a group therapy which talked about self esteem and they sent me to college.
2. Relationships outside the family. I was raised with parents who did not allow a person to go on a date until age 16. Sure there was flirting and hooking up at places like the theater or roller skating rink, but I was not allowed to be one on one with a boy until I was age 16. I followed that rule too. My best group of acquaintances consisted of a good group of girls who shared my interests. We went to school dances together where we hooked up with the boys to dance until it was time to go. Our focus stayed on school and we were such "goody two-shoes" we loved to volunteer to help our school whenever - cleaning it up, monitoring halls (lol), and running errands for teachers. But it all went away.
At 17 not one of my friends attended school with me. I had met a few through work but they were from another school and they were rowdy. Many of my friends were older than high school age; others were dropouts. My first "serious" boyfriend was a guy you couldn't trust any farther than you could throw him - but the status of dating (if being available for a booty call was considered dating) gave me a certain status amongst the others. I stopped knowing how to associate with my peers. Once I was sent to AA and forbidden to hang with the bad influences I found myself completely ALONE! Since that age, I still make bad choices in who I associate with (but it is better) and I still fail to make close relationships with those who would probably be parent/sibling-approved. It's like that aspect of my development stopped growing. (It may have had something to do with more labels which ostracized me and made me feel unworthy.)
In any event, I'm 47 and over the past 30 years I've been diagnosed at some point or another as:
alcoholic
bipolar
borderline personality disorder
psychotic
depressed
oppositional defiant
disassociate identity disorder
anxious
paranoid
I have been prescribed at some point or another:
lithium
paxil
Depakote
Effexor
abilify
zyprexa
Ativan
pristique
Seroquel
trazadone
and so much more I cannot recall right now
At first I fought it - because with mental health issues there's so much STIGMA - but at age 26 I got serious about wanting help. I was at an all-time low.
20 more years have gone by and I find I'm in a REALLY good spot in life. And guess what. I think it's because the science has been connected to what's behind the problems and I'm for the first time (since 2013) been on the right medicine and right therapy regime.
I have had more than one car accident in my life. Neuorscience is beginning to put the science behind mental health diagnoses. Sure. Alcoholism still exists. Traumatic abuse is still a culprit. But so are things like seizures and Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI).
They are discovering that soldiers returning from the Middle East who suffer Extreme PTSD, depression, anxiety may have had their brains "shaken" when they stood too close to a loud explosion... http://www2.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Traumatic_Brain_Injury&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=85&ContentID=52915
I myself suffered a severe blow when I was 17 as a result of a car accident. It was BEFORE airbags and I cracked the windshield with my head and ate the steering wheel.
I had another SERIOUS car accident in 1989 in which I rolled and flipped a car. (No picture)
That link had never been explored until recently. But boy is it making a difference in my recovery. I feel better than I have in years. I take one medicine to manage my emotions but other than that - nothing. I do use counseling. For 30 years a major element had never been considered - and therefore never treated. I do at this point have concerns that require more than just a connection to a car accident to resolve. 30 years of trial and error meant a continuation of that many years of making very bad choices. But I see hope and I see the science - that's important.
I hope two things come from this:
1. Understand that mental health issues are not just things a person can shake off - no one "chooses" to have such a challenge that clouds reasoning and prompts one to act in extreme ways regarding their emotions. Most people aren't simply deciding to have deviant behavior just to upset your day
2. With greater insight in to causes of mental health issues there will be better ways to treat the problem and secure for the sufferer a peace of mind.
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