I made this last December after my sister died on December 24. I made it as a way for me to show how my life has been. This video really isn't complete because I know there's so much more that it just does not say. But it says the most important of it.
All of my life is and always has been about my family. My life has been about a picture perfect life. I grew up knowing both sides of my family grandparents. That's where life began - those people in certain walks of life, certain kinds of history and social/economic setting, certain kinds of perceptions produced to very unique people who really were very OPPOSITE in some ways. In a town where there was German and Irish - even separate churches - the two came together and created this HUGE family.
The first song of this video reflects that family. We were - I thought - close, loving, down-to-earth people. We were innocent, carefree, invincible. The idea of something Over the Rainbow was reality because life already was perfect and it could only get better.
And then tragedy strikes - from nowhere - and destroys all I ever knew and believed. I lost Dean on June 2, 1990. I have never been the same. He took his life. He left me, betrayed me. He left me with unanswered questions. He made me feel less than perfect. He made me feel OUT-OF-CONTROL. He made me see that there is darkness and that I am vulnerable to it too. Life isn't always over the rainbow. He also taught me that taking one's life really is an option - whether good or bad; right or wrong - it can be done.
I lost my dad in April of 2008. I had yet to have one really good last story with him. Did you know that? He told the best stories. He got me hooked on telling stories. OH...he and I could argue crazy-like. I'm not sure which of us has the worst temper. But I'm sure of one thing. I'm my father's daughter (and I miss him.)
The video has an error! I hate making errors. My mom died on December 1, 2014. Two conflicting emotions settled in me: 1. She's at rest now. I'm ok with that. She had a good life. It's ok for her to be at peace. 2. THIS ISN'T FAIR! I miss my mom. I have missed my mom for three years. I want her here.
Judy - the one sibling I could always go to for solid advice, a warm voice, to hear a genuine "I love you" died on December 24, 2014. Abandoned! Robbed! CHALLENGED! HALTED in time! DEVASTATED!
And then there's the "go to song." When all is done and said - life keeps going.
Last song - Let It Be - means just that. Call on what faith I have left in Heaven above. See the nieces and nephews - and THEIR children - to know that life keeps going.
And in the end - I hope the video shows that I RESURFACE. I'm OK! I have two new pets. I can still smile. I am still living. AND...I have remembered this:
And then one day she remembered that the only one who could make her happy was HERSELF. So she took back her power and shined like never before.
https://youtu.be/CDaTMkt93Nk
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